Ok, so recently I made the decision to take the vow of celibacy. For me the decision was partly religious based and also partly based on the fact that I suck at being able to tell a man's intentions. So instead of beating around the big sexual elephant that is in the room when it comes to dating, I figure it's easier to talk about celibacy versus leading someone on. Its been about two months now and I have to say that so far its really not that bad. Of course my girlfriends had slick remarks about my decision because I haven't really been dating. "Soon as you get close to someone that vow is going right out of the window!" Way to have faith in me right? Well although I've contemplated this decision many times before, I'm in this one for the long haul. So I figured I'd share what has been the most effective in this process.
As I said before a big part of my decision is that I wish I would've kept my virginity until marriage in the first place. I have a 16 year old sister who is dating and I tell her all the time "Wait chile, I'm telling you, WAIT!" Although I'm not ashamed of the decision I made to have sex before marriage, I feel like a lot of the relationship issues that I've encountered probably could've been avoided if I were thinking more with my head and heart instead of my loins. I've found myself totally wrapped up in a situation that I knew was not good for me because I was (I'll admit) "A slave to the D." lol.
So after I've prayed and really made the commitment to myself of becoming celibate, what's next? Well like I said earlier it's only been about two months but what works for me is I don't mind talking about celibacy. Its not a secret for me. Now when I meet a man I'm not saying "Hi, my name is Ashanti and I'm celibate" when he asks me for my number, but my theory is you never know how you are going to meet someone. So I have the conversation openly with my friends and even coworkers when they joke about sex. You might here me say "well I'm celibate so i wouldn't know." By all means I don't act like a virgin for one bit, but being open about my decision really has helped me be open with anyone I might potentially date.
I also have a few friends who have also made the decision to be celibate. We're like a united front. If I feel like I might go back on my word, I have them to hold me accountable, and I do the same for them. Even if I have questions on boundaries I have them to call.
If you have been considering taking a vow of celibacy for whatever your reasoning may be, the biggest thing is that it is all based on your own will. It's definitely something that you have to make a serious commitment and say "This is going to be how I'm going to live my life no matter who or what I encounter." Once you've had that talk with yourself, it really is smooth sailing.
Are you or are you considering celibacy? I'd love to hear how you're journey is going and I'll check in here as well. Hope this helps dolls.
-@InTheMixxer
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