HAPPY CUFFING SEASON!!! Right? lol. Summer is officially "over" (I put quotes because it hasn't cooled down where I live one bit), football season has started, the fall breeze is right around the corner and if you live anywhere on the East Coast or Golf areas its hurricane season. So what does that mean for you? The single one? Who has received a "hey stranger" text in the last two weeks? *raises hand* I sure have. Before you send that "I'm not the stranger, you are" reply to initiate this emotional roller coaster you are about to strap into, let me pose a question. Do you know your worth?
This question has been on my mind the past few days for multiple reasons. The most recent being the footage that surfaced of NFL player Ray Rice spitting on, slapping, and eventually knocking unconscious his fiancé (now wife) in an incident that happened in Atlantic City. I watched that video like 50 times. Watched it on TV, my iPhone, and on my MacBook. The reason I watched it so many times is because I wanted to make sure I was really seeing the situation. I have to admit it was pretty hard to watch. If anyone spit on me I really don't know if I could just walk away from that. Looking past the actual incident, this is what I gathered. First, although I am a firm believer in NO ONE, male or female, should put their hands on each other and women need to realize that not every man was raised to just walk away when provoked, that is not a real man that I saw in that video. Men don't behave that way. The second thing I realized is that by the way she was acting, this could not have been the first time that it's happened. Like I said spitting on someone like that is not something you just give a slap for. If he spit on me there was absolutely NO WAY that I would continue to get in an elevator with him. I say this because after all of that, the physical abuse and the public humiliation, this woman still married him.
Now to each is own, but how bad do you have to be treated to know that you are worth so much more? Are we as black women so caught up in not being included in the "never been married" statistic that we will settle for a man that spits on us and knocks us unconscious? I was raised by a man that never once put his hands on me and never put his hands on my mother. I wish every girl had the opportunity to have that same situation but I know it wouldn't be realistic to think that it was the norm. So what do we do? Every girl at some point goes through a relationship where they feel caught up, but we need to teach them to recognize that "Ah-hah" moment sooner than later. At some point the cycle has to be broken. I am around a lot of young girls. I have two sisters, one 21 and the other 16, and I realize that I am their blueprint. It took me a while but I realized my mother was the blueprint as well. Now that my younger sister is older and my other sister and I are building our relationship I feel a responsibility to show them that we can grow up in this generation and be the queens that we were raised to be, without having to even have the "Ah-ha" moment. We don't have to settle for men that send us mixed signals, or only calls us when they want to sleep with us, or even settle for someone else's husband. I've made the decision to really sit and assess every situation before I let it go further and I challenge all of you to do the same. You have to know and appreciate your own worth before someone else can.
I recently watched a sermon Bishop T.D. Jakes taught on singleness and he said something that really stuck with me. He said "To be single means to be whole, not one half, one third or three quarters. So when you get married you are looking for someone to COMPLIMENT you. Not someone to COMPLETE you nor COMPETE with you. Find someone that is equally yolked as you." When he was speaking about being equally yolked he was primarily speaking about spirituality (is the person you are with the at the same level in their relationship with God) but I would apply that in evaluating a persons values. How did that person grow up? What does that person find acceptable? Talking about topics like the Ray Rice situation is a good way to find out how a person thinks. What are that person's priorities? All these questions should be able to help you to decide if that person capable of appreciating you're worth.
I'm done rambling about the topic but in a world where reality tv issues are the norm, I want young girls to know that just because we see women accept things that aren't right, doesn't mean they have to as well. Self worth is taught at a young age. And growing up in a generation where bullying, suicide, domestic abuse, and teen pregnancy is at an all time high, it not only needs to be taught early, it needs to be taught on a constant basis. Till next time dolls.
-@InTheMixxer
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