#ForTheGirlWho... Single and Moving

I know I know I know. It's been a few months since my last post but I have very good reason. If you follow me on social media you already know about my latest business venture. I am officially a personal chef! I'm so excited because I have so much in store with this new phase of my brand. Including merging the blog and my kitchen skills with a new web series "For The Love of Food and Hiphop." More details about that later. 

So as I write this I am literally sitting on my empty apartment floor. Why? Because

I'm MOVING! That's right I'll be based out of the DC area and I couldn't be more excited, especially because I'll be so close to my family. As I've been getting closer and closer to my official move date (two weeks away) I can't help but think about the relationships I've developed while living here in Virginia and what will become of them once I'm gone. Personal relationships and friendships alike. Too many times I have had people in my life just for a season and with me moving I have a strong feeling that that season is closely coming to an end.

I am a firm believer that anyone that is meant to be in your life, no matter what state or country they live in, they will remain in your life if they so choose to be. That will require a little effort from both parties but it's very possible. There will be some that fall by the wayside, but that's just the nature of the beast. Well what about a relationship with the opposite sex? With this move, I've learned this, if the relationship with your significant other was as important to them as it was to you, there would've been a game plan months before this moment. I'm not saying there's no hope for your relationship, but what I am saying is take the time apart to focus on yourself. If your decision to relocate was even 1/2 as hard as it was for me to make, try making yourself the priority. Too many times we miss out on amazing opportunities life has presented us because we are so worried about how it will affect others. Now for the record I am writing this as a single 25 year old woman without a spouse and without children so I am free to move as I please. I think women in the circumstance that I am in (not having a ball and chain to drag around) get so caught up in the "Why aren't you married yet?" "When are you going to settle down?" "When are you going to have a kid?" questions that we don't realize how cool it is to have the liberty to just pack up and go. If no one has told you, I'm telling you now, LIVE YOUR LIFE! Be single, a true individual, you'll be really impressed with the things you can accomplish.

On that note, remember a few months ago I had my pastor Dr. J L Simpson come on my radio show to answer some questions from my callers? Well he recently gave me a definition of single that I thought I should share with you. He said "Being single means to be whole, complete, unique, having authority, having self control and power. To be able to function independently without the support of another."

It's ok to be single girl. Be brave, move, make new friends, make new memories, and live. 

Happy Thanksgiving!

-@InTheMixxer

#ForTheGirlWho... Knowing Your Worth

HAPPY CUFFING SEASON!!! Right? lol. Summer is officially "over" (I put quotes because it hasn't cooled down where I live one bit), football season has started, the fall breeze is right around the corner and if you live anywhere on the East Coast or Golf areas its hurricane season. So what does that mean for you? The single one? Who has received a "hey stranger" text in the last two weeks? *raises hand* I sure have. Before you send that "I'm not the stranger, you are" reply to initiate this emotional roller coaster you are about to strap into, let me pose a question. Do you know your worth?

This question has been on my mind the past few days for multiple reasons. The most recent being the footage that surfaced of NFL player Ray Rice spitting on, slapping, and eventually knocking unconscious his fiancé (now wife) in an incident that happened in Atlantic City. I watched that video like 50 times. Watched it on TV,  my iPhone, and on my MacBook. The reason I watched it so many times is because I wanted to make sure I was really seeing the situation. I have to admit it was pretty hard to watch. If anyone spit on me I really don't know if I could just walk away from that. Looking past the actual incident, this is what I gathered. First, although I am a firm believer in NO ONE, male or female, should put their hands on each other and women need to realize that not every man was raised to just walk away when provoked, that is not a real man that I saw in that video. Men don't behave that way. The second thing I realized is that by the way she was acting, this could not have been the first time that it's happened. Like I said spitting on someone like that is not something you just give a slap for. If he spit on me there was absolutely NO WAY that I would continue to get in an elevator with him. I say this because after all of that, the physical abuse and the public humiliation, this woman still married him.

#TheCopyCat Vol. 1: Denim On Denim

Denim On Denim!

All denim all the time! Denim on denim has recently exploded on the street style scene. 

Beyonce, Rihanna, Cameron Diaz, and Miranda Kerr are amongst a few A-List celebrities that have been spotted in all denim. While some may be hesitant to dress in head-to-toe in one look. I'll tell you how to pull off these looks right and where to shop for less.

When it comes to fabric, denim reigns supreme. Always cool, versatile in nature and unlike other fads, denim will never fade. 

What is the secret to pulling off the look?

The secret is about balance and knowing your body and flattering your shape. When wearing denim on denim, lighter shades draw attention to the body parts they cover, while darker denim creates a slimming effect. So depending if you are top heavy or bottom heavy choosing the right shade of demin will hide your problem areas or excentuate they areas you want to draw attention to! 

What is the most common mistake?

 The most common mistake is picking denim that is all the same wash & weight. Also, don't over accessoize with busy statement pieces, your outfit is already a bold statement! 

#ForTheGirlWho.... Dating, Friendships, and Talking About Jesus

"I'm a kingdom Chic"... "Child of the most high God"... "I don't drink"... "I'm not having sex"... "I want a God fearing man"... These are all confessions that I have been making recently. I've been saved almost all of my life but I did not always feel comfortable talking about my religion publicly. So does that mean I don't truly believe in it? I have friends of many different faiths, Christians, Muslims,  and Jews you name it, who had no problem telling me about what they believe in. If I were being 100% honest I would say that I was afraid of being that "debbie downer" or "buzz kill" that sounded "too preachy" but over the last year I have grown closer to God than I have ever been in my entire 25 years on this earth. Now everyone might not believe in the same God that I believe in, however each religion does have it's particular way of living. So my question is, how do you transition from living one way to another?

For me it was something that has become easier and easier as the day goes by. For me it has been the fact that I have been super consistent in going to church and surrounding myself with people who are already living the way that I want to live that has allowed me to have the confidence to even write this post. It all starts with yourself. 

#ForTheGirlWho... Dating and Celibate

Ok, so recently I made the decision to take the vow of celibacy. For me the decision was partly religious based and also partly based on the fact that I suck at being able to tell a man's intentions. So instead of beating around the big sexual elephant that is in the room when it comes to dating, I figure it's easier to talk about celibacy versus leading someone on. Its been about two months now and I have to say that so far its really not that bad. Of course my girlfriends had slick remarks about my decision because I haven't really been dating. "Soon as you get close to someone that vow is going right out of the window!" Way to have faith in me right? Well although I've contemplated this decision many times before, I'm in this one for the long haul. So I figured I'd share what has been the most effective in this process.

For The Girl Who... Finds Out That He's Married (13MAY14)

 Ok so I've gotten quite a few emails on this topic and I will tell you it is a touchy one. I am not married nor have I ever been married so this will be strictly from a single woman's point of view and shouldn't be taken offense by anyone.

So you're dating a guy, he seems perfect. Treats you like a queen, takes you out on dates, introduces you to his friends, the whole shebang. Then one day it's almost like you are in an episode of Being Mary Jane... You find out that he's married! WHAT THE HELL DO YOU DO?! Do you leave him? Do you hear him out? Do you want to know the extent of the marriage? WHAT DO YOU DO?

Me? I'd RUN. Fast as all hell. One of the relationships I have been in that I'm not too proud of is that I was head over heals in love with a married man. I tried to justify this love with the fact that he had been separated over 7 years and had been in multiple relationships before he was with me... so what was the big deal? We were living together, talked about having kids, we were "engaged", and I had even met his wife! WTF was I thinking?! 

Before you go judging me let me put you up on game real quick. At the time he was in the military and when you are in the military and you are married you are given a certain amount of extra allowances to take care of your family needs ie. clothing, food, home etc. So because my ex wasn't serious about anyone before me he never divorced his wife because he would lose money. Instead he would just break her off a few dollars every month. They did this for SEVEN YEARS! And when I came around no matter how serious we got... he wasnt gonna divorce this woman unless we were all standing in front of the court house together like "Hey i wanna occupy the wife slot she's currently occupying so he doesnt lose money."

So why do I feel like you should run from a man that's married even if he is separated?  Because what I eventually learned is that MARRIAGE is MARRIAGE and at any moment even years later he could've left me and went back to his wife... because what was he holding on to? I feel like it had to be more than the money. But those vows he took before God with that woman meant clearly NOTHING to him. He might have at one point loved her... but eventually it was nothing more that convenience. So if I married him, I would eventually just be something that was convenient as well.

The point of the story is to know your self worth. Have enough respect for yourself not to step into quicksand. I know you hear it often but "there are plenty of fish out there" and its true... You don't have to eat someone else' fish. 

Good luck doll,

- @InTheMixxer 

#DININGOUTFORLIFE

More than 1.6 million people in the US are living with HIV infection, and almost 1 in every 6 people are unaware of their infection. About 1 in 4 new HIV infections are among youth 13-24 years old and most of them don't know they are infected, are not being treated, and can unknowingly pass the virus on to others. Although gay and bisexual men of all races are primarily affected by the disease, African American men bare the burden the most.

That's a lot of statistics to take in right? Right. But it's reality. "Dining Out For Life" is a night dedicated to raising funds for those affected by AIDS/HIV. Hundreds of restaurants across the country have signed on for one night to donate a percentage (in some cases all) of the cost of your meal to help provide things like medication, transportation, and services needed to treat those affected by the virus and spread awareness. 

This season of Scandal is finally over so you won't be missing anything this Thursday night. Click the link below to find out which restaurants in your area will be participating and make sure you post your pics and tag us. Thursday might also be a good day to go get tested. Grab a buddy and #knowyourstatus.
WWW.DININGOUTFORLIFE.COM

For The Girl Who... Has to chose between love and career (21APR14)

"For the Girl Who..." is INTHEMIXXER.COM's single girl's guide. Although I don't have all the answers that Sway has, I don't mind sharing my experiences to help the next girl out. A friend of mine and fellow blogger @KristalWithA_K (KristalWithA-K.tumblr.com) had the idea to start this series because we believe we aren't the only girls going through the things we go through. Kristal is a single mother with a successful career in broadcast communication with a double bachelors so you will be getting two well rounded points of view. We'll try our best to give you a straight forward unbiased opinion and hopefully spark some healthy conversations amongst you and your friends, family, and coworkers. Enjoy!

For the girl who.... Has to chose between love and career.

Recently this conversation was brought up because I am in the process of making a major move. I'm switching coasts at the end of the year. The furthest west I've ever been is Louisiana (I used to date a guy from Baton Rouge). Now I'm not involved with anyone in any way and since I'm moving I've made the decision to not even start anything new until after because I'm not the long distance type. But then I asked myself, well what IF I met someone and even through friendship started developing feelings for them? What the hell do I do now? Eight months is a long time to spend with someone. Marriages can come out of an eight month stitnt. Well from my point of view as a single 25 year old woman with no children. I'd still make the move. Although this wouldn't be an easy decision to make, and every situation is different. I'd move. Everyone that knows me knows I am a hopeless romantic. I love everything about love. But an opportunity to see something new? I'm taking it. If I were forced to make a decision like this I would definately weigh the pros and cons. This world and this life has so much to offer, I personally wouldn't pass it up based on a shoulda coulda woulda. So what if you stay? And the person you passed up this awesome opportunity for ends up breaking your heart? Now your stuck and full of resentment. Don't let loneliness cloud your judgement. Live a little! And if that person was meant to be in your life... They'll be there.

- @InTheMixxer

Need Kristal or myself to weigh in on your single girl's issues? Send your letter to INTHEMIXXER@CRCDJS.COM